THE PURPLE PAGE

Catherine Assam makes one (magic) with her writings, she is a soulful writer, and the intent of each word she writes is to hug whosoever reads it. Her words connect to the soul and you can find your emotions splayed over pages of books and lines of a piece. Stumbling upon her profile on IG, I was star-struck and soon began to follow her closely. I wanted as many people to read her works. The world needs healing, and her words are capable of that.
Words that can hold you, provide a shoulder for you to cry your heavy, ugly tears.

In this blogpost we would be diving into Catherine’s world…Enjoy!

I read that you fell in love with books as a direct impact of your father’s library, What book did you have the ‘defining moment’ with?
What kinds of stories did you read there, and how did that shape your mind?

Catherine: You’ve been paying attention. I read lots of fiction, because my Father was and still is a Literature Teacher. I remember Chinua Achebe’s “Things Fall Apart”. Generally, reading stories with characters that had differences, even fictional, helped me to be okay with being different.

Oh, amazing. A literature teacher.
Have you ever thought about following a different career path asides from writing?

Catherine: I’ve always been a lover of anything creative and art. So, if I wasn’t a writer, I’d be a Teacher, or an actor. I love teaching, and I still find time to share whenever I have the opportunity to. As for acting, I do to that when the opportunity comes.

Oh really? I, for one am glad you are a writer, cause I get to read more beautiful things. So Catherine, as a writer, what’s your writing process like?

Catherine: Thank you so much. My writing process. Wow.
First, it’s really not a straight line thing for me. Every day is different. I allow myself to be guided and led by life. One thing is sure: there’ll always be something to write about. There are days I wake up knowing that I’m going to write, then, there are other days I wake up with nothing. This is when I go with the flow. What I’m saying is: I’m not really that writer who has a table set every morning to write. It comes anywhere and at anytime. I’m always with my phone and of course, my journal.

I can relate to this so much. All in all, are there days when you don’t even feel like writing at all?

Catherine: Of course. There are such days, and I’m fine with that. I know that it is part of the journey, so I let myself be and focus on other things I love doing.

Other things like what? Also, at what point did you start making out of money and what was it like? Or did you start making money almost immediately? Take us through that process, please.

Catherine: I really love listening to music.
I love reading. I love watching movies.

No, I didn’t start making money immediately. I really wanted to offer something, whatever that is. So I was focused on that. I wanted to be valuable. When I started earning money from writing for brands, businesses and individuals, it felt good, because I had something to offer.

I love this. There’s a place of tenacity, right.

Catherine: So wrong. Young people are working hard, every day. I see them, I know they see them too. It is wrong when anyone tries to invalidate other people’s journey, struggles and wins just because it’s different from theirs. Your small win could be another person’s big win, and this is okay.

I agree with this. Catherine, I’m sure you receive compliments from a lot of persons that your writings are soulful. What motivates your writings?

Catherine: Thank you. I do, and I’m truly thankful that someone sees what I write and finds it soothing and/or relatable. Like I mentioned earlier, I allow myself to be guided and led by life. My experiences motivates me, conversations, nature, photos, humans, etc., are all motivations to my writings.

Life.
I’m sure publishing HEART LIKE YOURS means a lot to you. What do you have to say about the whole journey?

It’s been a beautiful journey honestly. Knowing that I can hug anyone, no matter where they are, with my words, makes it worth every delay and challenges. I’m truly thankful to God for the opportunity to do this.

Lastly, what does literary success looks like to you?

Catherine: For me, it’s making my writings accessible to whoever wants to read it, no matter where they are. It’s reading that something I wrote met someone at the exact time they needed it. That is success.

I hope you enjoyed reading this!

To read more of Catherine’s works and to connect with her, you can click HERE.

Note: The intention of this article is not to portray conventionalism as a bad thing. Conventions are necessary, where they have to be, but this is to question the authenticity of these norms and to correct the notion that doing things conventionally is the only possible way/method.

I hate a lot of things. I actually do, but most importantly I hate the fact that a lot of persons are always very bothered about what people will say when they act or talk and do a whole lot of stuff.

I know you care about what other people think of you and that’s simply because you are human so, naturally, you want to be liked and respected, but how much you care, how much you are bothered by what others think about you is entirely up to you.

From my experience, conventionalism is a major reason why people are always so worried about people’s thoughts and reactions. See, we have become so familiar with the trend of things that the littlest alteration in them has us thinking and thinking.

We have patterned our lives/some aspects of our lives according to mediocrity.
We don’t want to think of a different option.
We don’t want to look at things from a new angle.
We are not receptive to new thoughts, ideas, perceptions all because we feel that this is how, why, where it should be done.

Who says it has to be so?
Who says it can’t change?
Who says there aren’t other ways to do this thing?

I know we have traditions and culture and in no way am I dismissing them. Following them is good if the intention behind it is a good one and if they truly mean something to you, but following them so you don’t displease society, families, and friends is very ridiculous.

Sit down. Think.
Why are you so rigid?
Are you truly living your life?

You see, if you continue worrying about what people will say, you wouldn’t live your life to the maximum. At the end, you’d figure that you didn’t live truly.

You’ll find out that you’ve spent years worrying, without actually doing what is necessary, what you had to do. Unconsciously, you’d be imprisoned, by your own thoughts.

Society is rooted in individualism. That’s one fact we all forget. So all existing societal norms originated from a person or a group of persons. Over time, it stayed, and everyone began to follow the same thread.

Let me list some societal norms in Nigeria that I actually consider very annoying:

1. Domesticating only Women: I believe that being domesticated is something good, and everyone, to an extent, should be; it’s for your advantage and no one else’s. However, in Nigeria, we’ve made it seem like it’s only the female child that should be domesticated. In a typical Nigerian home, the female child does most of the house chores(cleaning, cooking, etc) and they grow up thinking that is their responsibility. Over the years, this has made the female child feel like that’s all they are good for and they can’t do more. In other words, it has succeeded in making them feel inferior.
2. The Right-Hand syndrome: “God that gave us both the right and left hands, He didn’t know what he was doing?” This is my first thought anytime I hear someone complaining about the left hand. You should eat with your right hand. You must not greet people with your left hand. You must not pass/take things from anyone, especially elders with your left hands. The moment you do this, you are regarded as someone disrespectful. Why? Why is it like that? Why is the right hand the “right” one? Does passing an object with the left hand rather than the right really matters? Does it change the outlook or quality?
3. Early Marriage: Marriage is a good thing. At the same time, it’s important to note that we are different humans, and so different things matter to us at different points in time of our lives. There’s no age when one can’t get married, so who says a female child has to get married before 25? Why are we always reminding the men that they are in their 30s now and they should bring a wife? Though they could be some advantages to getting married early, but still don’t make anyone be pressured to get married. You got married at 23 and because of that, every female around you must get married at that same age? Oh please, stop it. You don’t need to remind them. They know their age. Let’s not talk about those that make people feel like they are not human whenever they mention that they have zero intention to get married.
4. Nigerian’s version of how a man should act: The world is tough already, without having to worry about acting a certain way. Nigerians have this invinsible course outline that contains how a man should act; what he should do, what he shouldn’t. Apart from the fact that this is annoying, it also increases the chance of breeding a toxic male. Boys shouldn’t cry. Boys aren’t meant to feel things as deeply as girls. Boys should toughen up. Boys shouldn’t like pink or other colors that are termed “girly”. These guidelines are so unnecessary. These boys are humans, and they have emotions too. Know this and know peace.

These are just a few of the numerous societal norms that exist.

There is already a problem that these norms exist, but more problems arise when people try to pattern their lives according to these things. That is what I hate.

A friend wrote this, “you are literally your first lover; so you have to love yourself and you have to learn how to do it right.“

Self-love; I like to think is the greatest love of all. Self-love means genuine love for oneself.

Before one can practice it, you have to understand what it is all about.

You really can’t love anyone if you don’t love yourself first and I must put it straight to you that you might not be perfect, but you are the best you anyone can find.
Most times, we say we love ourselves. I mean, no one hates oneself right? We all want what is best for ourselves, but do we practice self-love?

Self-love means putting into great consideration your happiness, well-being, what you allow in your personal space. It means taking care of your needs, putting yourself first, and not sacrificing your welfare to please others.

For different people, self-love can mean different things, and that is because we have various ways of taking care of ourselves.
As an individual, it is important to figure out what self-love means to you cause it is an integral part of your mental health.

So what does self-love mean?

1. Prioritizing yourself
2. Being sincere to yourself
3. Being nice to yourself
4. Setting healthy boundaries
5. Detaching yourself from toxic relationships/ habits
6. Forgiving yourself.
7. Speaking about yourself with love.

It can also be in form of self-care:

1. Giving your body enough rest.
2. Taking breaks from work when necessary
3. Eating healthily; sometimes treating yourself to a specific/favorite meal
4. Putting time aside to reflect, meditate.
5. Exercising regularly; talking walks.
6. Going out with friends etc

You know what self-love is all about now. It means accepting yourself as who and what you are now while working towards growth. It is validating your emotions and putting your physical, psychological, and spiritual well-being first.

Why should you practice self-love?

Simply put, you’ve got no other healthy option.

I mentioned earlier that you are your first lover; so you have to love yourself in the best way possible.

You can’t leave you. It’s a ride-or-die affair. You break, pick yourself up and start all over again. You have to be your number one fan.

‘It was when you realized that no matter who left, you would always stay. That no matter who hurt you, you would find a way to heal again. You’d always be there for yourself. That’s when you learned what self-love meant. It was you and it was always going to be you in the end’ – Ruby Dhal

Read that and pause for ten seconds.

Ways to practice self-love includes:

1. Quit comparing yourself to others: Don’t do that. Stop it. You have been created beautifully uniquely, specially, and wonderfully. You have all it takes to get you what you want. So why would you compare yourself to someone else? It is perfectly fine to strive to be better and that’s where the place of growth comes in.
2. Giving yourself the chance to make ‘mistakes’: You see, we want to be the best version of ourselves but somehow we don’t want to do the work. Allow yourself to learn. Allow yourself to try new things. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Start that new thing. So what if it doesn’t work out? At least you did something and you learned from it too. That way, you grow.
3. Worrying less about people’s opinions: Truth be told, if we concentrate too much on what people think of us, it will be detrimental to our well-being. It’s a difficult thing to please others, and the fact is you can’t really do it. You Only Live Once my darling, So why not live the best of it?
   “Haters will hate, even potatoes will potate.” Never forget.
4. Set boundaries: Protect your energy from bad aura. Cut off from toxic people and things, you can’t keep allowing people to hurt you over and over again. You need people who really love you and people that make love/ living easy
5. Taking actions and making decisions based on your needs rather than your wants. Focus more attention on your needs, and focus less on your wants. What you do not need now, it’s a want and you can always get it some other time.

Finally, to achieve all these, you have to be very intentional. Be kind, compassionate, sincere, patient, sweet to yourself. Approach self love the way you would with someone you really care about. Spend time to know yourself, your likes, your dislikes. Date yourself.

As we practice self-love, me must also learn how to deal with peer pressure. Read my article about peer pressure here

P:S- Remember that just as your physical health is important, so is your mental health. Always make yourself happy.

#selflove #howtopracticeselflove #genz #lifeofagenz #adulting #adulthood #loveyourself